I write for the same reason I breathe - because if I didn't, I would die. ~ Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992)
I need to breathe.
Things have turned out way to unexpectedly lately, I don't know what to expect anymore. As a fairly organized person, I usually plan my days ahead -sometimes way, way ahead- and work toward a goal each day. Once I cannot put my finger on what lies ahead, I lose balance and tend to fall down. Yes, almost literally.
So at first I'd been aiming to publish at least 2 international conference papers, and 1 national journal paper. From what I understood, that amount of publication will enable me to go to the Dissertation Defense (DD) stage. The time consumed for the journal publication was longer than I expected, plus when finally I got accepted, I learnt that I still needed a publication in an international journal.
Therefore, it was very likely that I'd miss the DD date I set for myself (I told myself to submit by June 25th).
Feeling disappointed and annoyed, I proceed to write a paper for the international journal. It got accepted, actually, but by the time it went on print, it was already May. No time to finish my dissertation manuscript on time, or so I thought. I was so ready to give up graduating on time. I even contacted some colleagues, and asked about how I told my employer about this recent development.
Lo and behold, my first advisor asked me not to give up. So I sprinted to finish the manuscript, the first draft of which I submitted to him and my second advisor last Wednesday.
Now I have mixed feeling about everything. I am happy, I think, that finally I finished the manuscript, albeit only a first draft. But I am also disturbed by the uncertainty of everything. Can I still take the DD in June? Does it mean I can graduate this semester? Because even if I passed the DD, I still have to do revisions and take a final open-for-public oral exam.
Also I am worried to death about the DD. But that is another story for another post, I think.
For now, I will breathe. And breathe. And breathe..
