PUZZLES

It’s past the mid-semester, and more and more often everyday, I ask myself which precise malfunctioning part of my brain is responsible for letting people from the office sending me back to school. My typical day is now waking up at 6, hours later than the time I woke up during working-days (Is it really only 3 months ago that I actually had a place to call an office?) Then coffee – shower – and worrying about the rest of the day. I have to show up in campus only on Wednesdays and Fridays, so in the rest of the week I sometime choose to work at home.

“Working” nowadays means reading scientific journals till I get blue in the face, or swearing uncontrollably, or blue in the face in addition to swearing uncontrollably. “Working” so far has yielded:
(1) a 27 pages unfinished research proposal,
(2) a 42-pages unfinished book on Digital Coding,
(3) a page of “extended abstract” on God-please-tell-me-what-I’m-writing-about, which I submitted to a conference in a purely delusional state of mind,
(4) a 23-pages presentation file which I first presented last Friday.

“Working” this way makes me much more nervous than regular lecturing, because there is so much to do, and too much of it is still unclear. I myself am not sure how to best approach my research topic: reading the foundation has taken me almost a year now, and I still seem to be going nowhere. Trying to come up with a simulation? But how can I, if I don’t have very strong background knowledge on the theory?

But, but. Last Friday after I presented my research topic for the first time in the research methodology class, the professor gave me an applause. He had never applauded after any of my classmates’ presentation before, so I took it with a start. But the next thing coming my way was actually a compliment, not snide remarks, and I was left wondering how on earth did I manage to fool the whole class, the professor included.

One classmate who is a seasoned lecturer mentioned that it was obvious that I had a very clear idea on what to do in my research, another said I seemed to be the one with the most convincing progress in class.

Oh God. Was it the sweater I was wearing? Could it be a lucky sweater? Sheesh.

I guess what they say is true, just bravely march ahead and may the fortune be with you.


Fortes Fortuna Adiuvat.