On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down. ~ Woody Allen (1935 - )
In the period of July to August, there were more deaths than I could handle. A friend (who was also the wife of a friend) died on July 20. I am embarrassed to admit that I cried in the funeral while others looked so calm, but I just couldn't help it. Then a very close friend's dad died. Then just a few days later, another friend's dad died. Then a friend's son died.
At this point, I told R that there had been too many deaths lately.
A few days later R's dad died.
Seeing R in grief was one of the worst thing I have ever had to endure. I couldn't imagine how he felt. All I know is that he was never close to his dad (the way I am never close to mine) and he literally had been spending his adult days trying to avoid his dad. There were a lot of complications in that family that I will be forever shielded from, or as R put it: "You know too little." So there I was - watching how R walked, talked, moved, all in grievance. I watched how broken his mom was, and I was terrified at the thought that I might have to bury R someday. This horrid thought was nothing new - half of the things running in my brains are always horrid - but on that hot sunny day I choked at the thought, almost begging to God to please let me go first because I simply could not ever put R under the earth.
So.
I am obviously not in the best mind-frame after that many funerals in just over a month. However, R is recovering pretty elegantly, I'd say. If there is a person on earth who is always at peace with himself, then it must be R. I saw how he picked himself up again, almost effortlessly, and suddenly he was back in the kitchen cooking our meals.
His mom, I think, still hasn't recovered up to now. She now asks all of her children to take turns accompanying him at her house, so from now on, because R's turn is on the weekends, I do not have the luxury of spending my weekends with him.
It is rather sad, I guess. But there is no other way.
By the way, I guess I am gonna stop taking translation orders. I already lost patience with them. Hmm. And THR money is not here yet. Hmm. It's already Thursday. Something good must happen tomorrow, so this week won't be so bleak.
