Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. ~ Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914)
Waking up at 6, knowing I have no place to go.
Realizing that I can choose between staring at my navel til noon, or read a book, or write a book, or clean the bathroom, or go back to sleep.
Realizing that I have no object nor a place I can affectionately call "work".
Realizing that yes, some people prefer working at home - and I am not one of them.
Realizing that I am a student again at this ripe old age.
Realizing that my mother sees me as a chaffeur "because you're not going to the campus today, are you." and thus asks me to take her to the tennis court, and back home, and to the mall, and to the dentist, and to the supermarket, and you get the idea.
Realizing that meanwhile, meanwhile: I have a dissertation to write.
Realizing with an acute pain that I long for a rigid structure in life, I need a harsh deadline, and yet I am bad at disciplining myself.
Realizing how terrible I feel everytime people say "You're home? Taking a leave? Or is it holiday already?" and how unnecessarily defensive I will get, by explaining that I am on this holy duty of studying and therefore you lowly lives should not bother me with your petty questions and you lowly lives should refrain now from saying "Oh my God back to school at your age??" because like I say, this is a holy duty.
Realizing that all these equals pain because I am exactly what you're thinking I am.
What kind of person will get hurt when others think she's unemployed?
hello, I'm here again.. I'm going to start writing again, here with you..
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