HAPPY..UMM...KARTINI'S DAY..WELL...

And one day, somebody in the audience here today..would follow my footstep to be the spouse of the next US President..and I wish him well.

--Barbara Bush, giving a graduation day speech in front of rows and rows of happy-faced youngsters, most of whom were females.

***

I caught a glimpse of that speech on TV some time back, and couldn't help thinking that Barbara herself might realize that she was making a lip service. A female US President? Come on. I mean, COME ON.

We Indonesians really did have a female president, though. And that is because Indonesian females are powerful. That power comes from the long, hard training since our childhood, in the form of Kartini's day competitions.

The competition ranges from kebaya contest to speech contest; and of course: cooking competition which is only for men. The winner of the kebaya contest is the best looking female, or the one who wears the most complicated traditional kebaya (with the perfect fake hair bun, the perfect brooch, the tightest corset), or the combination of the two.

The winner of the speech contest is the one who says "Kartini, our Mother", "women emancipation", "women values", more than 10 times in one go.

And of course, I never give a damn to the winners of the cooking competition.

Oh, please don't get me wrong. I have no doubt that Kartini is one special lady. I'm happy her birthday is one of the most celebrated day in Indonesia.

I have no objection towards kebaya contest, the way I never have objection towards the fact that upon acknowledging Geneve Agreement (which binds countries to have females in ministry-level positions), Indonesia put a female to fill in the position of the newly-created "The State Ministry of Women Roles Issues".

I have no objection, really, that that state-ministry body, apart from being hopelessly useless, also cries out the fact that Indonesians think females are sub-humans who needs help from the government to merely define their roles in the society.

I have no objection that Amina Wadud has to face death punishment for claiming that a muslim woman too, can be an Imam during jemaah prayers, with men praying behind her as her makmums.

I'm not complaining here, hey, I know that the world isn't a fair place, and I have no objection about that.

I have no objection that when I take too long to park my car, drivers behind me don't only say "stupid slow driver!" but also have to spit out "woman driver! no wonder!".

Hell yes, woman driver I am, as female as your momma at home, Boys.

I have no objection being called "spinster", sometimes behind my back, sometimes to my face; I only wonder why that word only applies to females.

I have no objection about comments like "Of course she's chosen for that, she's a spinster! She doesn't have anybody to take care of, she has no life!!", thrown into my face when people heard that I was short-listed for a promotion, or a scholarship; I only wonder why such hurtful comments almost always come from fellow females.

I have no objection that Siti Musdah Mulia's hard work of coming up with a draft of Islamic Law Compilations in a new-light of female perspective got flushed down the toilet by angry male ulamas; I know her work was too good to be true anyway.

I can bear living in this men's world, really.
I can stand being lower-class earth citizen.
I can stand being paid 60 cents for a man's dollar.
I can even stand watching one more Kartini's day parade without vomiting my breakfast, my lunch, my dinner, my heart, my anger, all over the floor.

When all sexism pains me too much, I'd just bow my head a little -- look at my developed breasts, and get my boost of instant happiness.

Hell yes, I have no objection whatsoever about being a female.

Happy April Fool's day, may you and I stay foolish all our lives.